In response to someone telling me they were going to “learn me football soon”. I’m repeating this because I think it may be the key to explaining why sports and me go together like Christmas lights in a Ficus tree, no ma’am!! “Umm NO. The last time I tried to learn football I was in early elementary school. My daddy thought it was a good idea…

Well, a good idea until the first game which was played at our big high school. Before that night all I remember during practice wa…s to move out of everybody’s way and hearing blah blah blah. Back to the 1st game. The night was chilly and the stadium was full of hot chocolate, mothers and grandmothers (the men were down on the field, I think). My memory gets a bit fuzzy from here on out in the story. I remember a whistle and a gaggle of peewee’s running my direction. Unlike a typical gay, I’ve been programmed to catch things. I can juggle and can catch anything thrown at me, it’s a complete mystery. Anyway, I looked up and saw this football thing coming my direction and naturally I caught it and took off running. I ran and I ran, all the way down to one end and back to the other, across one side then to the other and ran until the guy with the cute little black and white stripe shirt stopped me. The rest of the story has been completely suppressed. I’ve not been able to find one life couch to help me through that story. I walked away that evening knowing two things. I ran faster than anyone my age in the county and football makes me tired.”